Marriage is a commitment, a vocation made between two individuals to intertwine the lives together and with God. It is not an easy path to take, but it is, without a doubt, one of the greatest adventures you can choose for yourself. Any of us that are married know that matrimony seldom is like the idyllic portrait of a fairytale life, especially when you add children, grandparents, schools, work, volunteering, sports, and the litany of never-ending activities a family is involved in. Here in Naples especially, there seems to be a strain on families to have more things to do than there are hours in the day.
Our Holy Father attended the World Meeting of Families in Dublin, just as he did 3 years ago in Philadelphia, and he had a wonderful message for all married couples, no matter how long they have been together:
Dear friends,
I am pleased that we can meet in this historic Pro-Cathedral of Saint Mary’s, which has seen countless celebrations of the sacrament of matrimony over the years. Looking out at you, at your youth, I ask myself: so then it isn’t true what everybody says, that young people don’t want to get married! Thank you. Getting married and sharing one’s life is something beautiful. We have a saying in Spanish: “Sorrow shared by two is half a sorrow; joy shared by two is joy and a half”. That is what marriage is like.
How much love has been expressed here, and how many graces have been received in this holy place! I thank Archbishop Martin for his cordial welcome. I am especially happy to be with all of you, engaged couples and married couples at different stages on the journey of sacramental love. It is also nice to hear the beautiful music coming from over there … the sound of babies crying! That is a sign of hope, the loveliest music, but it is also the best sermon, to hear a baby crying, because it is a cry of hope, [a sign] that life goes on, that life goes forward, that love is fruitful. Look at the babies… But I greeted an elderly person too: we also have to look at the elderly, because the elderly are full of wisdom. Listen to what the elderly have to say, [ask them] “What was your life like?”.
I liked the fact that you [turning to Vincent and Teresa, the elderly couple who were the first to speak] spoke first, after fifty years of marriage, because you have so much experience to share. The future and the past meet in the present. They – let me use the word – the “old”, have wisdom. Even mothers-in-law have wisdom! [laughter] And children must listen to their wisdom, you young people ought to listen to their wisdom, and talk to them in order to keep going, because they are your roots. They are the roots and you draw from those roots in order to keep moving forward. I am going to come back to this later on, for sure, but I want to say it now, from the heart.
As I mentioned, I am particularly grateful for the testimony of Vincent and Teresa, who spoke to us of their experience of fifty years of marriage and family life. Thank you both for your words of encouragement and challenge addressed to a new generation of newlyweds and engaged couples, not only here in Ireland but throughout the world. They are not going to be like you; they are different. But they need your experience to be different, to keep moving forward. It is so important to listen to the elderly, to our grandparents! We have much to learn from your experience of a married life sustained daily by the grace of the sacrament.
I want to ask you: did you quarrel a lot? But that is part of marriage! A marriage without arguments is pretty boring… [laughter]. Yet there is a secret: plates can even fly, but the secret is to make up before the end of the day. And to make up there is no need to talk; a caress is enough, like that, and peace returns. Do you know why this is important? Because if you do not make up before going to bed, the “cold war” of the following day is too dangerous, resentment builds up… Yes, fight all you want, but make up at night. All right? Don’t forget this, you young people…
In growing together in this “partnership of life and love”, you have experienced many joys and, to be sure, not a few sorrows as well. Together with all spouses who have come far along this path, you are the keepers of our collective memory. We will always need your faith-filled witness. It is a precious resource for young couples, who look to the future with excitement and hope and, perhaps… a touch of trepidation: what will that future be like?…
Never forget this, brothers and sisters: faith is passed on in everyday speech! The speech of the home, everyday life, life in the family. Think of the seven Maccabee brothers, how their mother spoke to them “in everyday speech”, the language in which they first learned about God. It is more difficult to receive the faith – it can be done, but it is more difficult – if it has not been received in your native language, at home, in everyday speech. I am tempted to mention an experience I had as a child… If it helps, I’ll tell you. I remember once – I was about five years old – I came home and there, in the dining room, I saw my mother and my father (who had come home from work just before me) kissing. I will never forget it! How beautiful! Though weary from work, he had the strength to express his love for his wife. May your children see you do the same, caressing one another, kissing one another, embracing one another. This is magnificent, because that is how they learn the everyday speech of love, and faith. This everyday speech of love.
So it is important pray together as a family; speak of good and holy things, and let our Mother Mary into your life and the life of your family. Celebrate the feasts of the Christian people; let you children see what it is to celebrate a family feast. Live in deep solidarity with those who suffer and are at the edges of society, and let your children learn to do the same. Another story. I knew a lady who had three children, about seven, five and three years of age. The couple had a good marriage, they had great faith and they taught their children to help the poor, because they themselves used to help them. Once while they were at lunch, the mother and three children (their father was at work), there was a knock on the door and the oldest one went to answer it. He came back and said: “Mom, there is a poor person who is asking for something to eat”. They were eating breaded beef – which is very tasty! [laughter] – and the mother asked the children: “What should we do?” All three replied: “Mom, give him something!” There were a few slices of beef left over, but the mother took a knife and started to take half of everyone’s steak. The children protested: “No, Mom”, give him one of those, not ours!” [The mother replied:] “No, you give the poor from what you have, not from what is left over!” That is how that faith-filled woman taught her children to give of their own to the poor. All these things can be done at home, when there is love, when there is faith, when everyone speaks the “everyday speech” of faith. In a word, your children will learn from you how to live a Christian life; you will be their first teachers in the faith, handing on the faith.
The virtues and truths the Lord teaches us are not necessarily popular in today’s world – sometimes the Lord asks things that are not popular. Today’s world has little use for the weak, the vulnerable and all those it deems “unproductive”. The world tells us to be strong and independent, with little care for those who are alone or sad, rejected or sick, not yet born or dying. In a moment, I will go privately to meet some families facing grave challenges and real hardship, but who are being shown love and support by the Capuchin Fathers. Our world needs a revolution of love! The tumult of our times is really one of selfishness, of personal interests… The world needs a revolution of love. Let that revolution begin with you and your families!…
Together with the Pope, may the families of the whole Church, represented this afternoon by couples old and young, give thanks to God for the gift of faith and the grace of Christian marriage. In turn, let us promise the Lord that we will serve the coming of his kingdom of holiness, justice and peace by our fidelity to the vows we have made, and by our steadfastness in love!
Thank you for this meeting!
And now I ask you to pray together the Prayer for the Meeting of Families. Then I will give you my blessing. And I ask you to pray for me. Don’t forget!